Aug 21
What is happening Plaid People! I am high above the Pacific (take puns as you wish)—returning from a crazy night in Beijing. I spent the past seven hours talking shop and dropping cocktails with one of the most powerful people on the planet, Chen Yuan.
Who, you ask, is that dude? Chen "C-Notes" Yuan is the Governor of the China Development Bank (CDB). The CDB is the largest bank in China and is, of course, state-owned. That means Mr. C-Notes is both a member of the Chinese Communist Government Elite AND the manager of a giant fucking bank fortune. We're talking billions and billions!
And the CDB has recently been in the news, check this out:
http://www.economist.com/displayStory.cfm?story_id=9556414&fsrc=RSS
http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/08/20/business/wealth.php?page=1
That's right, Mr C-Notes has grabbed a share in the British bank, Barclays. The commies are taking over the global banking system! But don't fear—when it comes to profit, the Chinese would shit on Karl Marx's grave to earn an extra 0.1% interest. The CDP has absolutely no intention on redistributing any of Barclay's wealth to further the dream of a socialist utopia.
Anyway, the take home message from this news story is that the Chinese Government is beginning to flex its financial muscles as a global investor. This has two effects:
(1) it increases China's stake in the current financial system (what's bad for the market is bad for China)
(2) it gives China increased power to effect the global financial system
The main worry is that China will use its share in private companies to influence foreign governments. For example, China can lobby the British government—through Barclays—to adopt pro-China policies. Or, China can threaten to sell off its large share of Barclay's on the cheap to disrupt the British economy. Of course, if they did this, China's economy wouldn't exactly be a winner in the deal.
The Plaid Avenger's take, if anyone cares, is that corporations love money. They will do anything they can to maximize profit. It doesn't matter if the main investors are Mid-Western White Americans or Han-Chinese Government Playboys.
I've got to cut this off—my Mile High Club Membership is in need of renewal. Party in Plaid!
-PA
Jun 4
Ha! Smashing comedy! How capital! And speaking of capital, today's topical topic involves those eight countries containing copious quantities of capital—the G-8. The Great-8 as I like to refer to them as. And the G could also stand for G-money my brotha's and sista's cause the 8 has got that too! I was just taking a weekend holiday in Amsterdam, when sure enough anywhere I show up shit hits the fan…and by shit I mean beer bottles, rocks, tear gas…you know, usual mob stuff.
That's right friends, it's almost time for the annual G8 summit and the Germans decided to start celebrating a couple of days early! Check this out:
G-8 Protesters Clash With German Police
Violent clashes at G8 demo in Germany
You remember the G8, right? If not, the G8 is basically just a group of eight richest "democratic" countries (Germany, US, UK, France, Italy, Canada, Japan, and Russia). Once a year, the leaders of the G8 states like to get together and chat—mostly about staying rich and keeping everyone else poor. This is actually how the G8 got started—leaders from the six richest, most awesome democratic countries (this is before Canada and Russia joined the club) met for cocktails in 1975 and after the party, they decided to do it again next year. This yearly party slowly evolved into a formal organization with a rotating presidency, blah, blah, blah…
Anyway, there is one sucky aspect about being president of the G8: you gotta host the party! Let me tell you, I have hosted some Animal House style parties in my day, but even the Plaid Avenger would NEVER choose to host a G8 summit! Nothing incites the poor, the disenfranchised, and the radical-left like a bunch of empowered white dudes getting together to bullshit about being rich. And NOBODY likes to riot more than the before mentioned groups (except, perhaps, residents of Detroit, Michigan).
As you can tell by the articles, this year's summit is being held at a beach front resort in Heiligendamm, Germany. Ahhh… summer in Germany… and there is nothing as exclusive as a beach front resort surrounded by a giant-ass barb wire fence. And with an "underwater barrier" erected to keep out all the damn boats. (Plaid Party Tip: The secret to throwing a great summit—Fortify the SHIT out of the place!) The party will surely be wild inside the fence. It will be the last G8 summit meeting for several 
important heads of state: Vlad "The Man" Putin, Tony "Poodle-Boy" Blair, and Jacques "The Rock" Chirac (Plaid Prediction: the Kempinski Grand Hotel will be several bathrobes short at the end of the summit). It will also be the first G8 summit for Gordon 'Brown Sugar' Brown, Nick 'the Knife' Sarkozy, and Shinzo "Sake-to-me" Abe—who, according to several sources, is capable of drinking over 30 Sapparo Black Label beers in one sitting! Sweet!
But, the real excitement will be outside of the fence. The pre-party started at a peaceful protest" in nearby Rostock. Don't be surprised if people get more pissed and more violent after the summit actually begins! While G8 summits are typically filled with protest, this year may be worse than normal. Here are a few reasons why:
1.Energy costs are sky high.
2.Global Warming scares the shit out of people living in the Northern European lowlands.
3.GW Bush is remarkably even LESS popular than he was last year. Jesus! How is that possible?
What will the summit accomplish? Probably nothing as usual. This international group does not have any binding contractual agreement to actually do or enforce anything. It's more just a 'fireside chat' among these top world leaders about what to focus on in the coming year, with no real intent to actually put any policy in place.
However, you should be aware about this 'focus' stuff. It was absolutely no coincidence that US President George Bush suddenly came out with a policy just last week which states that his administration wants to start dealing with global warming—after essentially ignoring the issue for six years! Its going to be up for debate at the G-8, and George doesn't want to be odd man out anymore.
Also, look for everyone to be kissing Putin's ass as much as possible since Russia is flexing its muscles here lately since establishing itself as an energy-producing giant. Since Russia provides shit-tons of energy to Europe, I'll also bet that Putin is going to be putting the squeeze on those European leaders to convince the US to stop building its missile defense shield sites in Eastern Europe—in fact I'd put a lot of money on that bet.
OK, enough on this, I'm headed back to the "coffee shop". I'll catch you plaid cats later. Party in plaid.
May 30
What is up Party Plaid People!?! Sorry for the hiatus, but the Plaid Avenger got Shanghai-ed on his way to Pyongyang to play ping-pong with Jing-Jing the giant panda bear and official mascot of the 2008 Chinese Olympics. Ha! There's your damn bear reference! Now this is officially the blog of Lions, Tigers, and Bears—and if you just said "oh my!" to yourself, then you are officially as gay as the Lollipop Kids in Munchkinland. But I digress as usual…
What I'm really here to educate you about involves beer and bombs, but not in that order. I landed here in Sri Lanka and after a week-long binge decided that you Americans should know about a couple of animals of note here in the former British colony known as Ceylon. This country has some fascinating wildlife you should look into…but these are no ordinary Lions and Tigers….
14 combatants killed in 2 days of Sri Lankan clashes
Tamil Tigers strike Colombo, naval base
Sri Lanka's worsening war fans ethnic Tamils' fears
Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam: the Wikipedia run-down for those interested in greater detail
Lion Stout rated from The Beer Advocate
The Lion hunt ends in west Londo from Michael Jackson (no, not the one-gloved freak)
Ah yes! Now that you have painstakingly perused those particular publications, let's get on with the pontifications. The Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE), commonly known as the Tamil Tigers, is a group that can be identified as either a rebel alliance fighting for freedom of its peoples, or a terrorist group stirring up trouble and causing political and economic turbulence in Sri Lanka—depending of course on the point of view of who you ask. If you ask the Tamil folks, they are freedom fighters; if you ask Sri Lanka, the EU, India, and the US, they are terrorists. So what gives?
This is an easy one to understand. Most of the folks hanging out in Sri Lanka are ethnically Sinhalese, comprising about 80% of the total population. The ethnic group called Tamils is concentrated in the north, east, and western provinces of the country, and can be further subdivided into two groups. Tamils, who were brought as indentured servants from India by British colonists to work on estate plantations, are called "Indian Origin" Tamils. They are distinguished from the native Tamil population that has resided in Sri Lanka since ancient times.
Ancient origins or forced labor, either way the Tamil ethnic group has its roots in India and account for about 10% of the total population. Thus, a minority. And a minority that feels threatened, coerced, or otherwise downtrodden by the Sinhalese majority. Is that the case? Hell if I know, but that's the way it sits here in the 21st century… And as such, many Tamils feel they need to have their own territory independent of the Sinhalese controlled Sri Lanka proper. In short, it's a civil war situation pulling the country apart. But that's a common story the world over. What makes this one unique?
What are they known for? The Tigers should perhaps be credited mostly with the pronounced use of suicide bombers as a strategic tactic—and specifically using women as suicide bombers too. While we often think suicide bombers as a distinct tool of extremist Islamists or Palestinian splinter groups, Sri Lanka has been at it for a while too, and has been much more deadly with them, especially when it comes to targeting public officials and military targets as opposed to civilian ones. Of great note, the Tigers killed Indian Prime Minister Sri Rajiv Gandhi in 1991.
The other thing that sets the Tigers apart from modern day terrorist/rebel organizations is that they have a well-established ground base or territory that they work from (see map), a well-established and easily identified military organization (as witnessed in their cool uniforms), a totally wicked official logo (see above), a naval force (the Sea Tigers), but most importantly and most currently: air power. On March 26th of this year the Tigers flew a couple of small aircraft under the radar and dropped a few bombs around the Sri Lankan capital of Colombo. That is ballsy stuff my friends! No other group labeled as terrorist anywhere else in the world is so visible or carries out such organized attacks as the Tigers.
Mind you, I'm not singing their praises. This whole conflict should have been resolved peacefully years ago, and the Avenger blames both sides for being pig-headed and short-sighted. Over 60,000 Sri Lankans have died since 1983 as a result of this petty civil war, with no clear end in sight. Damn, why do we humans have to be so damn dumb?
From dumb to numb. Now let's lighten the mood with the other topic of the day: Sri Lankan Lions! While the Tigers motives may be mischievous, the Lion in definitely the king of this jungle! I'm talking about beer my friends…a kick ass stout to be exact.
Originally brewed by Ceylon Brewery, the Lion line has expanded into its own in the last hundred years to be the premier export beer of the country. Still brewed in the hill town of Nuwara Eliya and now also in the recently established Lion Brewery in Biyagama, Lion Stout and Lion Lager embody all that is good and wholesome in the island country. And the Plaid Avenger will not lead you astray my friends–the stout is the more worthy your attention. Dark, rich, coffee and chocolate hints of pure deliciousness await you when you plunge into this beer. And packing an average 8% alcohol by volume, Lion Stout makes Guinness look and taste like baby shit in comparison.
You should easily be able to find this beer in any specialty store across the US…but why settle for second best? Get your ass on a plane and visit Sri Lanka—cause the beer packs an even bigger punch when it's fresh in-country. I swear on the plaid pants my mother knitted me, this shit is more like 15% alcohol when you get it on tap in Colombo. Now look, you may think I'm a bullshitter, but I don't mince words when it comes to my drinks…and even a professional drinker like myself got totally whammied by just two 20 oz. tall boys of this stuff in a hotel lobby outside the capital. Damn! That shit was good! I think the stuff brewed for consumption in Ceylon must have hallucinogenic properties…cause I got a warm fuzzy feeling after just one, and after the second I woke up with a Tamil Tigers tattoo across my ass!
Damn those Tigers! But praise the Lion! The Plaid Avenger has struck again!
May 21
Greetings from Shanghai my Plaid Friends! Stopped in from Ankara so I could sniff around to see what shenanigans that savvy Shanghai Six are up to. What? You don't know who the Shanghai Six are? Hell, I've been following these guys since they were a little bitty newborn Shanghai Five! Perhaps you know them by their newer, streamlined cool nickname, the SCO: the Shanghai Cooperation Organization? What? Still drawing a blank? Oh my friends, if you want to understand what's going on in the world, you better know your SCO. Here, try these on for size:
Shanghai plan to fight extremism (old school story-check the date)
Shanghai grouping moves centre stage
SCO joint military exercises to be held in Russia in 2007
Don't play this Great Game
Pakistan and the SCO
Iran urges Central Asian bloc to counter West
Who the hell are these guys? The current SCO/Shanghai Six are: China, Russia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan and Uzbekistan. The Asian giants on either side of a smattering of central Asian states—a big "Stan" sandwich! Ha! That is too damn good! I'll have a side of fries with my Stan Sandwich! And speaking of sides, there are some of those too: Iran, Afghanistan, Mongolia, India and Pakistan have all requested and obtained observer status—which means they get to come to the meetings and hang out with the cool kids in the SCO clubhouse. I wonder if they have a secret hand shake? A shake with my fries and Stan-wich…oh, I'm too much today!
But I digress…
What the hell are they up to? This club was formed from the ashes of the demise of the USSR, and their original mission consisted of curbing "extremism, terrorism and separatism"—and let's call a spade a spade here: their talking about Islamic extremism and Islamic terrorism, and separatism of any damn color or flavor. Some of these states are totalitarian in nature, others are one-party states, and some are fledgling democracies, so you can probably figure out very quickly how they deal with extremism, terrorism and separatism. 'Iron fisted' may be too strong a term, but let's just say that the use of force to quell internal troubles is usually in the top three responses, if not the number one. In other words, China and Russia have no qualms about Tajikistan or Uzbekistan suppressing internal dissent with force—as long as its guised under the 'stabilizing security' heading. But that's not what I really want to blather about. It's this:
Security may have been the foundation block, but my oh my, they are a long way from home now! The SCO is one of the fastest growing clubs on the planet, mostly growing in terms of their mission statement. Now they conduct joint military exercises (hmmm…kind of like an Asian NATO), are signing all sorts of trade pacts (hmmm…kind of like an Asian EU), and there is been a fluttering of talk in the last six months about the SCO forming a giant natural gas cartel to stabilize market outputs and prices (hmmm…kind of like an Asian OPEC).
Wow! That is potent stuff! The fact that Vladimir Putin and several others completely dismissed the Asian OPEC idea publicly means to me that they are actually seriously considering it behind closed doors. These guys have terrible poker faces! If they really had no desire to build a natural gas coalition, they would have pretended to do it just to scare the shit out of everybody. Like oil is to the Middle East, natural gas is to Russia and Central Asia—in that they have the lion's share of the world's reserves, and could easily use it for price-fixing and political advantage. I look for that gas activity to start discreetly building next year—pun intended.
The 'security/military' maneuvers are very interesting as well, since they are the largest of their kind that the world has ever known. I'm not sure why no one has pointed that out. China has the biggest manned military on the planet. And Russia has the second biggest arsenal after the US, so you're talking a seriously powerful group of folks from a strategic standpoint. And don't start stock-piling for WW3; I am in no way shape of form suggesting that this group is planning anything offensively. Quite the contrary! I am suggesting that much like NATO, they are setting themselves up as an 'un-attackable' group. Many are already calling the SCO the 'anti-Western' option. Hmmm…Interesting shit for sure.
Their trade activity is getting hot too, as most countries want to get in on the trade block action. That's why Iran, Pakistan, India and Mongolia wanted observer status, and I'm assuming they will all take full-member status if it's ever offered to them. Everybody wants a piece of that SCO pie! Japan too has to pay attention to the action, since so much of their energy and other imports flows from the continent. Others will follow, but Russia and China have already vowed that unlike the EU, growth will be slow and controlled no matter what the future of the SCO holds. Those bastards are as patient as stones when it comes to foreign policy!
Lastly, I'll point this out: the US is very unhappy about the SCO. Why? The SCO is definitely a threat to US power in the region. Def. Def. Def. The SCO has already pressured its member countries into forcing out some US military bases, and has openly stated that all US military installations should be gone in the near future. The SCO as the Asian NATO gives many other countries a viable option to team up with in the 21st century…an option that is not US based, backed, or controlled. In fact, you should really know this: the US has asked for observer status to the SCO for years, and been refused!!! The SCO won't let Uncle Sam even hang out in the clubhouse! Damn, Unc is getting pissed!
Russia and China's ties with Iran through the SCO are also irksome for the US—it's why Russia and China continue to vote down tough sanctions against Iran in the UN Permanent Security Council. Doh! Unc is getting more pissed!
And the gas? Don't even get me started with the gas! The US and Europe will be shitting themselves if an OPEC-like gas coalition gets formed—pun intended again! As the biggest consumers of both oil and natural gas, the US and Europe are likely to be strung up by the energy balls in the coming century, because Asia's got it all!
Damn! That SCO is one to watch my friends! But you won't read about it in the US press, because they are totally clueless. Even Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert can't help you like the Plaid Avenger can when it comes to international intrigue!
Party on! Shanghai-style!
-PA
May 16
Greetings again from Ankara my Plaid Friends! On my way back from Pakistan, I felt the overwhelming urge for some raki and Turkish Delight (the confection has taken such a bad rap since that little lying bastard Edmund wanted it in 'The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe')…aslan sütü and lokum. What a delightful pair to have while in Turkey! I do love the lion's milk! Yeah baby! And Turkey is back on my radar screen again already due to some current events. Dig it:
Turkey stakes a Central Asian claim
US to push Sarkozy on Turkey's EU processBetween Turkey and the EU, two plus two does not necessarily equal four
EU excited and worried by Sarkozy
Now I've chatted about the EU's apprehension for Turkish ascension before on this blog, so I need not go back into those details (see EU turkeys talk turkey with Turkey ). But what I want to blather about today is what I've been telling my classes for years: Turkey is on a pivot point in modern history, and it looks as if a direction is soon to be chosen…if not downright forced on it! What pivot do I speak of? I'm referring to one of two directions Turkey will take to team up with in terms of economies, cultures, and politics. Those two team choices are the EU or Central Asia/Middle East. West or East. Could the choices be made more geographically distinct?
Turkey is a population powerhouse, Turkey is a growing economic power, and Turkey is increasingly a vital hub for the international flow of oil and natural gas. Turkey will be a leader in the 21st century. The question is: of what? Will they be accepted into the EU and embrace the West even more, or will they be snubbed by the EU and turn around and become a power broker of a Central Asian/Middle Eastern coalition?
An Ottoman Empire Part Deux? Seems increasingly likely. Why?
As a very savvy commenter pointed out in a previous blog (see Fuck 'Freedom Fries': France is Freakin' Back, Fools!), the election of anti-EU-enlargement Nicolas Sarkozy in France is very likely to put a huge damper on Turkish movement forward with EU entry. But that French fairy is only the latest nail in the coffin of Turkey's EU talks: Chancellor of Germany Angela Merkel is also vehemently opposed to the Turks, and the likely-next-Prime Minister of the UK, Gordon 'Brown Sugar' Brown, may be no proponent of Ankara either. And this 'EU Dream Team' of leaders are all youngish and recently-elected, so they are going to be around for while—which may mean Turkey won't be!
As pointed out numerous times by the Avenger, the US is HUGELY in favor of Turkey staying staunchly in the western sphere of influence, and they are pushing hard for the EU to embrace their Turkish ally. Why would this be? Turkey is a NATO member, and one that has been of central and downright critical importance for the War on Terrorism: Afghan Chapter. The US also sees Turkey as the only successful Islamic democracy in the region to be emulated by its Middle Eastern neighbors, so Uncle Sam is keen on keeping Turkey in their corner of the ring. Simply put, without Turkish help, the war on terrorism in the Middle East and Central Asia becomes seriously hampered, if not outright hamstrung.
The other consideration here is that Turkey is increasingly becoming a pivotal power player in the energy game too. Long story short:
- The EU imports virtually all of its oil and natural gas needs…
- Central Asia has been increasing its output of energy radically in the last decade, with lots more to come…
- Russia has been building an energy empire on which Europe is currently addicted to…
- Energy from Central Asia is transported to the EU thru Russia and Turkey…
- Many in the EU are getting very worried about their over-reliance on Russian energy, which increases Russian geopolitical influence…
- Thus, including Turkey in the EU would shift the energy influence to a country on their own team…
And therefore shutting out Turkey will further shut out strategic ties to their energy sources. Don't sound too smart to me, but whatever. Perhaps the EU will go totally green in the next ten years and never use oil again. Yeah…..right. As of this writing, it appears that the EU fears negative repercussions of Turkish entry in the EU much much much more than it fears losing an ally on the anti-terrorism campaign and an ally in their energy strategy. Tricky business. Tricky business indeed. I wonder if the 'EU Dream Team' will still be glad they excluded the Turks if Turkey turns around and starts to put the energy crunch on them…like the Russians have been.
But watch out! This is what I really want you to see! The Turks are not going to roll over and die if they don't get in the EU, and Central Asia may be where they will re-focus their foreign policy and diplomacy. Why there? Several reasons:
1)Cultural and historic ties—the ethnic group called 'the Turks' are from Central Asia originally, and they share linguistic and religious commonalities with their Asian buddies. Ever wonder how Turkmenistan got its name?
2)As pointed out above, Central Asia is producing a shitload of energy…and a serious percentage of that shitload flows thru Turkey to get to the rest of the world. Turkey would like to see even more flow thru their territory, thus increasing their geopolitical hand while decreasing Russia's—'cause whoever has or controls the oil of the future controls a lot!
3)While Turkey may be looked upon as a poor and backwards stepchild within the EU framework, it would be a true leader of states to their east—being richer, more technologically advanced and more politically stable than virtually any country east of them to China! And speaking of China, Turkey's involvement as a power player in Central Asia would also cut into China's influence as well. The 'Great Game' is back on!
So Europe has got some thinking to do, and Turkey does as well. Many in Turkey are becoming totally disenfranchised with the whole bullshit EU entry process, and many have given up on it already. But that don't mean that they've given up aspirations to be a regional power! Let's watch the Turks carefully this year to see where new relationships may be blossoming…I personally bet that the next President or Prime Minister of Turkey will soon go on a whirlwind tour of Central Asia states trying to sign as many trade deals as he can…but we shall see.
I won't lie to you Turkey: you've got your work cut out for you trying to establish ties in Central Asia, cause the SCO has beat you to the punch. SCO? What the hell is an SCO? The Shanghai Cooperation Organization is not to be messed with! Back the fuck up off the SCO! Maybe I better fly from here to China and tell you a little bit more about these guys in my next blog….
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important heads of state: Vlad "The Man" Putin, Tony "Poodle-Boy" Blair, and Jacques "The Rock" Chirac (Plaid Prediction: the Kempinski Grand Hotel will be several bathrobes short at the end of the summit). It will also be the first G8 summit for Gordon 'Brown Sugar' Brown, Nick 'the Knife' Sarkozy, and Shinzo "Sake-to-me" Abe—who, according to several sources, is capable of drinking over 30 Sapparo Black Label beers in one sitting! Sweet!
Ah yes! Now that you have painstakingly perused those particular publications, let's get on with the pontifications. The Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE), commonly known as the Tamil Tigers, is a group that can be identified as either a rebel alliance fighting for freedom of its peoples, or a terrorist group stirring up trouble and causing political and economic turbulence in Sri Lanka—depending of course on the point of view of who you ask. If you ask the Tamil folks, they are freedom fighters; if you ask 
This is an easy one to understand. Most of the folks hanging out in 
Greetings from 
Security may have been the foundation block, but my oh my, they are a long way from home now! The SCO is one of the fastest growing clubs on the planet, mostly growing in terms of their mission statement. Now they conduct joint military exercises (hmmm…kind of like an Asian NATO), are signing all sorts of trade pacts (hmmm…kind of like an Asian EU), and there is been a fluttering of talk in the last six months about the SCO forming a giant natural gas cartel to stabilize market outputs and prices (hmmm…kind of like an Asian OPEC). 
