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Nato summit: George Bush abandoned over Ukraine and Georgia

Bush Sees NATO Backing Missile Defense (that’s funny, cause I don’t)

NATO: Still a Sore Point With Putin

 

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A few Taiwan tidbits to tinker with…

Promoting social harmony a priority for new President

Taiwan’s message for Beijing

US presidential rivals congratulate Ma

Election moves Taiwan and Beijing closer

Hello World Watchers! Plaid Avenger here, hanging out in Havana. That’s right, I’m in Cuba and I’ve been drinking mojitos since sunrise. Why am I in Cuba? Apparently the Bush administration is so bored and has absolutely nothing else going on in the foreign policy department that it decided to take some timely action on tackling one of the biggest threats to US security and certainly one of the biggest threats to world peace and stability: Cuba. Cuba? WTF? An impoverished island nation led by a dying 80 year old man is a threat? Yeah, maybe a threat to the availability of Depends undergarments in the Caribbean basin…but little else. So why so much attention from the world’s ‘superpower’? Check it out:
Bush Urges Support for Democratic Change in Cuba
Bush to Warn Cuba on Plan for Transition
Cuba Defiant in Face of Bush Speech
Castro, Succession, and the Future of Cuba

So Dubya decided to take the afternoon to discuss Cuba’s current government and how much it sucks. Why not? It’s not like he has any other foreign policy challenges to focus on right now. Its not like US troops are actively in open warfare in several foreign countries. I could understand that the administration would be too busy to deal with the Cuban titan if they were engaged in some global operations like…oh…I don’t know…maybe a war on terror…or maybe even a war on drugs. And I certainly would understand the administrations hesitancy to tackle the pressing Cuban issue if they were vamping up for a war on Iran…or even a disintegrating relationship with Vladimir Putin’s Russia. But, since nothing else is going on…its about time they zeroed in on that Castro freak!

So what’s the deal? Why does the US care about Cuba? What the hell could a nation of 11 million impoverished people do to get Bush’s proverbial panties in such a bunch?

For starters, Cuba is a communist country and we all know how much the US hates the commies! But the hate goes oh so much deeper than that, folks. Yes, because unlike the other lefty countries in South America, Cuba participated in a plan so heinous, that all diplomatic ties were severed…indefinitely. The US won’t send ambassadors to Cuba. The US won’t trade with Cuba. They won’t sell anything to Cuba. They won’t buy anything from Cuba. Shit, they won’t even allow Americans to travel to Cuba!

They hate Cuba! Hate, Hate, Hatey -hate-hates Cuba. Ever since the USSR bit the dust, Cuba is the only country that can give US politicians a freedom-boner the size of the Berlin Wall. We must liberate the Cubans from Castro’s iron fist! Yeeeeehaw!

Anyway, so what the hell did Cuba do that was so horrible? Why have we befriended other former commie states of the USSR, but continue to rail against the country that has blessed the world with Bacardi? Just this: The unforgivable crime was that Cuba allowed the Soviet Union to place nuclear missiles in their country, which, if you notice on the map, is really fucking close to Florida. Having Russian nukes pointed at us from Siberia is one thing, but to having Nukes pointed at us in our own back yard… that was pretty much an invitation to start World War III.

We look fearfully back at this event as the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis. Thankfully this whole ordeal was resolved peacefully. It turns out that the Russians only put missiles in Cuba because the United States had put nuclear missiles in Turkey. Both sides agreed to remove the missiles… crisis averted! But, seriously, fuck Cuba for taking part in that bullshit, right?! I mean come on! So what if it was 45 years ago! So what if the Cold War is over! So what if there are no commies left in the entire world except on this little island nation! The commies are a threat! I am scared! Shit! I think I just soiled my plaid boxers thinking about Castro attacking Florida with flaming rum-and-cokes!

To be sure…Castro is a freak of nature. The old fart is like a hundred and ninety-five years old, and is still a die hard commie-wanna-be. I suggest ‘wanna-be’, because communism really has never worked out anywhere in the world, and the Cuban experience is no exception. Its not so much a communist country, as just a really shit-poor and backwards, wanna-be communist country. And to be frank, the only one who really ‘wanna-its’ to be commie is Castro himself. He still is living like it’s the 1960’s and that communism is some real institution in the world with a chance of success. Dream on old-timer. Even Russia and China are living the capitalist Wild West right now! Its over dude! Wake up and smell the mojito man!

What a goober…but he’s not the only one! When it comes to Cuba, the US government is still living in the 1960’s too. Its like some freakin’ Cuban time warp with everybody on either side of the Florida Strait. Its the new Bermuda Triangle of sensible foreign policy! But I digress…

So what happened after the Cuban Missile Crisis? One important thing is that the US imposed an “embargo” against the Cuba government. An embargo is basically a declaration not to trade with a country. For instance, you can have an arms embargo that prevents the sale of weapons to a country. However, the Cuban embargo is full-on. US laws criminalize all kinds of interactions with Cuba. There is no allowed trade between Americans and Cubans. Americans are not allowed to travel to Cuba (The Avenger is here on an “Academic Exception”). And the worst is the cigars! No trade in Cuban cigars…some of the best smokes on the planet! The embargo was, and still is, intended as a way of crippling the communist government of Castro and fomenting a popular democratic revolution. Make’em so poor that they will revolt! Guaranteed success!

Well, it hasn’t worked for 45 years, and the US is still drinking the embargo’s bathwater. Clinton expanded it in ‘99 and Bush was praising it in his latest speech: “I also urge our Congress to show our support and solidarity for fundamental change in Cuba by maintaining our embargo on the dictatorship until it changes.”

Many people object to the embargo saying it only hurts the Cuban people. Cuba is a fairly poor country that could benefit from trade with the United States. The theory behind free trade is that it will help raise everyone out of poverty. Most level-headed folks also believe that increasing trade is a much better way to also increase cultural interactions…and by helping Cuban folks get rich and educated, you would be actually strengthening their resolution to change their government too. But, this argument holds little weight in Washington as the embargo enjoys widespread bipartisan support. Oh, andwhat is I’m sure a total coincidence, lots of supporting congressmen also receive serious campaign contributions from angry Cuban expats—expats who got their shit taken from them by Castro & Co. during the Cuban Revolution, and who seriously think that they will get all their shit back when Castro goes away. Good luck with that.

Another thing that evolved from the Cuban missile crisis is the Red Phone that sits on the President’s desk in the Oval Office. After the fiasco, US and Russian leaders decided to install a protected line from Moscow to Washington DC in case something like this ever happened again. So, if another crisis evolved, either World leader had the other on speed dial. This was a pretty dandy little compromise for the time.

And the US should probably keep a close eye on that Red Phone….as comments from Vladimir Putin in today’s news indicate that he may be using that phone soon. In point of fact, he even referenced the 1962 Missile Crisis just today! Dig:

US missile plans echo Cuban crisis, says Putin

Hmmmm…..more missile madness than you can shake a stick at. We better investigate this missile shield shit and way its pissing off Russia. Ha! Tomorrow’s blog is set then! I shall set off for the shores of Siberia again, post haste!

But I have to end this rant for now, because my Red Phone is ringing. And no, it’s not Vlad the Man... The only callers on my Red Phone are foxy plaidettes and right now I think I have a date with a Socialist Senorita. Until next time, Plaid Brothers and Sisters, party on.

Or as they say here in the islands…Buenos Tacos.

Dude! Did someone forget to pay the cable bill at the White House? Because I don’t think that they are getting CNN anymore, much less any other news network that deals with issues outside the US!

Salutations my sexy and sultry friends! The Plaid Avenger is back is rare form, to the great consternation of the Cheney administration in the US. While I typically try not to dabble in doltish domestic drivel, I’ve heard enough irreverent and irrational interpretations of international intrigue from this administration to last an infinity. Ha! That’s a lot of ‘I’s my friends! And since the US is definitely the 800 pound gorilla of international politics, it is worthy enough to talk about the current comments of the Cheney corporation…and more importantly why their statements are strange…and sketch. Check it:

Bush warns world of WWIII over Iran

George Bush warns Putin over ‘World War III’

Cheney - No nuclear arms for Iran

Cheney, Like President, Has a Warning for Iran

Cheney raises anti-Iran rhetoric

So what am I ranting about here? Let’s get the sentiment of this blog straight from the start: the Avenger is only concerned with the ridiculous rhetoric coming from the Bush Administration about their ‘world support’ against the Iranian regime. I’m not going to get into the debate about whether or not the Iranians are trying to build a nuclear bomb (they are not…yet). I’m not getting into the particulars about whether or not they support terrorism in the Middle East (they do). I’m not even going to get into whether or not Iran has evil intentions or should be sanctioned or even should be bombed. What I do want to chat about is who exactly would be supporting any of these movements against Iran—which is the focus of this forum….

Now, apparently the US administration is employing some good old boy, old-school, pre-WWII tactics of full-on propaganda in order to scare the living shit out of folks enough to get them riled up to demand that action be taken against the Iranians. I mean, if the whole world is against the Iranians, shouldn’t we do something about it? Um….that’s just the problem…the whole world is definitely not on board with US foreign policy on this matter, and to announce that the US is going to lead a willing world to destroy Iran is not just misleading…its simply wrong. But I want you folks to be smarter than the average bear…and in this case, ‘bear’ is an appropriate animal description, as the Russian Bear has everything to do with this equation.

But I am getting ahead of myself as usual. Let’s get to the facts…I don’t think I need to elaborate much on the Iranian/US situation happening on the planet right now. In a nutshell: Iran is developing a nuclear power industry; no one is disputing that fact. The US and some Western European states are utterly convinced that Iran is developing this knowledge in order to ultimately build nuclear weapons. Iran claims that it only wants the nuclear power, and has a right to do this based on the NPT treaty (which is true).

The US in particular refutes this claim, and there are widespread accusations in the US which allude to ‘flagrant’ misdeeds of Iran developing a secret nuke bomb—although to my knowledge, no proof of Iranian wrong-doing has ever been presented to the IAEA. In other words, the US and its allies insist that everybody in the world knows Iran is doing all this bad stuff…even though no one has actually got any proof of any of this bad stuff. You starting to get the picture here?

Well the picture got fuzzier after Vlad ‘the Man’ Putin visited Iran last week and declared that Russia does not believe threat Iran is doing anything illegal. As you know from a previous blog (World Pissing Match: Russia Pisses Off US;), Russia also went as far as to set up a ‘no-attack-Iran’ zone with all the countries which surround the Caspian Sea. ‘The Bear’ is making no bones about its position with Iran—a position which runs exactly opposite to the US one.

And that brings us back to point: Last Friday US President Bush made a speech in which he said that Iran’s obtaining of a nuclear weapon would start ‘World War Three.” Wow! That is some serious shit to be spouting! Not to be outdone, US Vice-President Dick Cheney went on the attack just yesterday by saying that under no circumstances would the US and the world at large allow Iran to get a nuclear bomb…which in this case also means developing nuclear power. He hinted that ‘the world’ would not allow this, and that there would be serious repercussions on Iran if they continued down this path.

Just a couple of quotes:

President Bush: “My intent is to continue(?) to rally the world, to send a focused signal to the Iranian government that we will continue to work to isolate you…” (my italics…and ‘continue to rally the world’? ‘Continue’? When did it start?)

Vice President Cheney: “The Iranian regime needs to know that if it stays on its present course, the international community is prepared to impose serious consequences,” Mr. Cheney said, without specifying what those might be. “The United States joins other nations in sending a clear message: We will not allow Iran to have a nuclear weapon.” (my italics)

The international community is prepared to impose serious consequences? The US is rallying the world? Hmmmm….. I do have to wonder…..Where are these guys getting their information from? I mean, they are the damn White House for pete’s sake! They have the CIA, the FBI, the NSA, foreign ambassadors, think tanks, chiefs of staff and a shitload of other folks whose jobs are to keep the Executive Branch well informed. So how are these guys making such clueless comments? I’m just a dude reading the newspapers and can point out a few holes in their thinking about international support against Iran. Here we go:

1) Russia: Hey guys! Check the papers from last week! Russia just announced that they don’t think Iran is doing anything illegal. AND they said that they would not be supporting any more tougher UN-imposed sanctions on Iran. How can Russian make such a bold assertion? Duh? Russia has a permanent seat on the UN Permanent Security Council. As such, it has veto power over any UN sanctions against Iran.

Hello? McFly? McCheney? Do you know how the UN works? Check out a previous blog if you are still confused (Permanent Possessors of Power: the Fabulous 5!) The deal: Russia will stop cold any UN move against Iran. So you can count Russia out of your ‘international community’ plans…and while we are it at…

2) China: China almost always stays out of internal affairs of other countries unless those countries happen to be directly threatening China itself. And that is not the case here either. Remember, China is the #1 fan of sovereignty on the planet, and as such will say that Iran has a right as a sovereign state to develop nuclear energy until it is proven that they are doing something else. On top of that, China is always wimpy to stand alone at the UN…but since Russia has already ponied up and said it will block any UN measures against Iran, China will now do it too. So count China out of the ‘world standing against Iran’….but wait! There’s more!

3) Latin America: Venezuela? Forget about it! Hugo Chavez loves Iran, as does Bolivia’s leader. And since most of Latin America now swings to the left side of the socialist spectrum (and because US-Latin American relations have sucked for a decade), the US should not be looking south of its borders for too much support of an Iranian intervention. In fact, almost all countries south of Mexico will probably openly oppose any such move…since most already did oppose the US invasion of Iraq. Oh! And speaking of Iraq…

4) Iraq: That place is still in bad shape with sectarian violence between Sunni and Shiite…does anybody in Iraq really want an invasion of Shia Iran next door? Talk about dumping gas on the fire! Holy shit! That whole place will explode! Don’t look for Iran’s immediate neighbors to support an invasion or bombing…what a minute…did you say neighbors?

5) Iran’s ‘hood: As suggested above, Iraq cannot be very supportive of a new war next door. But as also referenced earlier, what I refer to as ‘The Caspian Coalition’ has already declared it opposition to any move against Iran. See map for countries who have already agreed to NOT allow any attack on Iran from their territories. And you can extend a bit beyond the Caspian as well…Central Asian countries have been much more keen to party with Russia lately, and have also been having talks with Iran about letting them into their SCO club. (You Gotsta’ Know the SCO!!! ) So count those –stan countries out as well, ‘cause they will side up with the Ruskies on this matter.

Shit. Who does that leave for the “international stand against Iran”? Let’s end the blog on who the US can count on to get their panties in a bunch over Iran: for sure the US can count on their old lapdog the UK for support. Even though Gordon Brown isn’t quite the parlor pooch that Tony Blair was, he will still give his go ahead for actions against Iran.

And France? Hell, France is the new UK when it comes to supporting US foreign policy! Nick Sarkozy is all about kicking some Iranian ass…or at least supporting the US to do it! Germany may be in on this action as well, as they are getting very leery of Iranian power…combined with the quaint fact that they may be within reach of an Iranian missile. Most other European nations, Japan, and even Australia would be on board right this second. But watch out! Australia is holding an election soon, and if John Howard loses, then you can count the Australians out too! Hell, the Labour Party is threatening to pull Aussie troops out of Iraq if they win–no way they are going to support a war with Iran. That is, if they win…which seems probable right now.

Other than that, the US will have a handful of Arab states which may actually support a move against Iran too. Look for Saudi Arabia and Egypt to possibly side up with the US, although in doing so may cause catastrophic public dissent in their countries. Turkey will also probably side up with the US, although if that Armenian genocide bill goes through the US Congress, its anybody’s bet how the Turks will roll.

Needless to say, this idea of an international community rallying around the US to deny Iran nuclear power/nuclear weaponry is a bit of fancy. And the Avenger can’t stand such fluff. Know your world my friends. Know how it works. And know when politicians are blowing smoke up your ass.

Speaking of smoke…time to head to the local hookah bar for some much needed respite from these radical ramblings…

Hello hello hello again plaid party people! Too many good stories to choose from today…so let’s talk about them all! In a first for the Avenger, we will tie together a trifecta of titillating tidbits with the tantalizing tie between then being irritation. Pissed to be exact! It seems today is the day that most major powers on the planet decided to simultaneously piss in each other’s corn flakes! How hilarious! All in a day’s work I suppose, so let’s get to this summary…shall we?

Russia, Iran harden against West

Bush warns Putin over ‘World War Three’

For starters, one of the planet’s bad asses of all time Vlad ‘the man’ Putin of Russia decided to pay a visit to his homies down in Iran. Ha! Russia has homies? Not likely! Nonetheless, Putin was visiting with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad…and he even met with the grand poo-bah of Shia Iran: Ayatollah Khamenei! Wouldn’t you have loved to be a fly on the wall during that fascinating conversation? Yeah, me neither. Let’s recreate the dialogue:

Putin: Great to meet you, Supreme Leader of Iran…got any vodka to drink?
Ayatollah: Allah be praised, you Russian infidel. We don’t drink alcohol in my country.
Putin: Oh. Well, that’s okay. In my country most Muslims and foreigners in general are discriminated against. Hell, we’ve been blowing up Chechen Muslims for years.
Ayatollah: Hmmm… I see. Well, we don’t really have anything in common, do we?
Putin: Um…nope. Not really. Oh wait! Would you like me to show you some Judo?
Ayatollah: No. That would be gay. And we don’t have any gay people in my country either.
Putin:Oh. Um. Then I guess we don’t have much to talk about…
—Long, uncomfortable silence—
Ayatollah: Well, there is always pissing off the Americans….
Putin: Oh yeah! We are good at that! Let’s work together on that point …what did you have in mind?

Which brings us back to the topic at hand. Let’s get to the pissed part…After talking with President Ahmadinejad, Putin declared that Russia does not support the American assertion that Iran is trying to develop nuclear weapons. And in fact Russia believes that Iran only wants nuclear technology to produce energy, and Russia is going to help them do it. In addition, Russia has hinted that they are not going to allow any more stricter UN sanctions on Iran (remember, Russia is a veto-wielding member of the UN Security Council—they can stop any further sanctions on the spot), and have outright suggested that the US needs to stop its ‘saber-rattling’ tactics by threatening war. Damn! This is seriously pissing off the US!

On top of that, Russia and Iran just wrapped up a summit of ‘Caspian Sea nations’ in which they all signed a declaration which prohibits any other country on the planet from using their states for attacks on one another “under any circumstances”. Caspian summit a triumph for Iran You get that? Read between the lines: In other words, all those countries agree that they will not help the US, the EU, or even the UN launch an attack on Iran. These countries include Russia, Iran, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, and Azerbaijan (see map). Damn! They are outright telling the US and the world to piss off when it comes to any war on Iran! More rage for the US!

So President Bush is so pissed that he is suggesting that this may be a lead up to WW3! Ha! Dude! Chill out! There are a couple of things that someone should suggest to the Americans to calm them down:

1)Under the NPT (the UN Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty), developing nuclear technology for power creation is totally acceptable. Iran is a signatory to this treaty, so as long as they are playing by the rules, so should you. I know you don’t like it, but you are going to have to live with it

2)Let’s go ahead and run with the US assumption that Iran really only wants nuke technology to make a bomb. Let’s assume they make a bomb. Hell, let’s even assume they launch that bomb at Israel, since the Americans are fully convinced that this will happen. Why would the Iranians do this, since it totally assures that their country will become a smoldering, radioactive wasteland after the US and France and the UK retaliate with overwhelming force? Doesn’t make much sense. Does it?

To be fair to the US, that is an oversimplified analysis, and there other issues to be considered…namely the fear that an Iranian nuke bomb would spark a Middle Eastern arms race. Fair enough. That is a valid point. If Iran gets a nuke, then Saudi Arabia is going to want a nuke, and Syria will then want a nuke, etc. So if that is what you US guys truly believe, then why don’t you actually come out and say it? Enough with the ‘Iran is going to kill us all’ bullshit.

Apparently the US is even more pissed because they can’t do much about these Russia-Iranian developments right now. So the US decided to piss off someone else instead….

U.S. honor for Dalai Lama angers China

Bush dismisses Chinese criticism over Dalai Lama

In honoring the Dalai Lama, the US is seriously pissing off China. Don’t know why that is? Check out an earlier Plaid Avenger insight into China’s fear of the Lama at Dalai Lama at Oktoberfest? Let’s Get Enlit! Now China is pissed at the US because anytime anybody even so much as meets with the Lama (much less give him a damn medal!), the Chinese interpret that as giving the Dalai too much ‘street cred’…and China’s ultimate fear is that if everyone in the world thinks the Dalai Lama is legit, then he will have the power to demand an independent Tibet. All I can say to the Chinese is: bullshit! That is never going to happen dudes, so lighten up on the monk! But China remains pissed for today either way….but they are not alone…

Turkey is also pissed at the US because of that proposed ‘recognition of the Armenian Genocide’ bill that made its way through a House committee last week. See Turkey is Steamed and Ready; but this ain’t no Thanksgiving for US I reported on that shit a few days back from the Turk-Iraq border, and the shit is heating up even more! While I was there, about 50,000-60,000 Turkish troops with a butt load of tanks and guns were amassing. They are about ready to get the party started. What party? The invasion of Iraq to track down some Kurdish terrorists.

Turks’ vote backs right to use force inside Iraq

Turkey votes to send troops into northen Iraq

And Turkey is still so pissed about that US committee vote, that they Turkish parliament went ahead and voted 507 to 19 to allow the armed forces to launch a cross-border assault against Kurdish insurgents based in northern Iraq. The 19 that voted ‘no’ were probably taken out back for a ass-whoopin’ shortly after the proceedings. Ordinarily, the US and Turkey are such strong allies that the US probably would have been able to talk them out of any aggressive actions in Iraq. But the Turks are simply pissed! Too pissed to listen to the Americans now…

And it goes without saying that the Iraqis are pissed about these Turkish developments…

Angry Iraqi Kurds say Turkish move would destabilise region

Iraq Kurds warn Turkey against ‘illegal’ incursion vote

Kurds ‘will fight Turkish raids’

Although Iraq is pretty much a basket case, and barely a functioning government, they have voiced their serious pissed-off-ness about the idea that Turkey may invade their ‘sovereign’ state. Sovereign? Ha! How hilarious is that? Isn’t there like troops from 20 different countries in Iraq? And the whole place is on the brink of civil war…if not fully already in one?

Despite the current Iraqi predicament, the idea of yet another country sending in troops is seriously pissing them off…particularly since the northern part of Iraq (where the Turks plan to invade to route out the PKK terrorists) is one of the only stable parts of the country right now! And northern Iraq is composed mostly of ethnic Kurds, and the Turks are coming in to hunt down a group of radical Kurds. If the Turks do come in, and accidentally kill a bunch of innocent Kurds while trying to kill the ‘bad’ PKK Kurds….OMG there will be hell to pay! That would spark a shit storm of open warfare in the region! The place may quickly get as nasty as the Bagdad region!

And the prospect of that seriously pisses off the US! The US has its hands full already trying to calm down the rest of the Iraq, where most of the conflict centers on sectarian strife between the Sunni and Shia Muslims…fueled by local Sunni extremist, outside terrorist forces like Al-Qaeda, and even next-door-neighbor Iran which funnels in ammo and aid to the Shias. Damn! The US would be pissed about the Turks getting the northern region as hot as the south already is!

Simply pissed!

And now we have come full circle in our pissing match for the day. Those world leaders certainly have been busy boys today, infuriating each other like its going out of style!

And they are pissed!