Holy shit! We got game on again here in Burma, and leave it to a bunch of Buddhist monks top get this party started! 10,000 monks to be exact. And they are starting to get open support from the masses too…in a situation that is becoming eerily similar to the 8888 Uprising—remember that? This is a Plaid Avenger update story, since I have just reported from Burma week before last, so if you don’t know 8888 or the background…then check this first: Junta Jackasses Manhandling Monks?

Even as good as I am, I never would have predicted this crazy whack turn of events. Monks making my girl Aung San Suu Kyi cry? Wow. Totally insane. General Than Shwe and his band of merry merchants of death are up against the ropes to be sure….and the time may be right for their well-deserved departure. But don’t count those assholes out just as yet, because they have a long history of crushing their own citizenry. But first, to the news…

Protests swell against Burma’s military regime

Burma march largest in 20 years

Suu Kyi greets Burma protesters

Regional perspective: UN Security Council: The real battle on Burma

ASEAN leader appeals for restraint amid Myanmar’s growing anti-government protests

So what the hell has been going on this weekend, and why might this be the right time for us to say ‘ta-ta’ to Than Shwe? As seen from the stories above and the Plaid Avenger’s previous rant, the Burmese Buddhists have had enough, and have organized and taken to the streets. This all started as a protest over a hike in fuel process a month ago, but as predicted by the Plaid, has become a general movement across the country to get rid of the ruling military junta jack-asses, and finally implement freedom and democracy for the Burmese people. Sweet! Go guys go!

In a complete surprise move, they marched past Aung San Suu Kyi’s domicile, where our favorite freedom-fighter-hottie has been held in house-arrest for most of the past 15 years—and Suu Kyi came out to greet them, said nothing, but just wept for joy! Damn! These people are facing certain death and destruction, and they just keep putting themselves out there! How awesome!

So the monks are on the march, and are now saying that they will go on protesting indefinitely until the junta is jettisoned. A bunch of holy dudes without any weapons at all are preparing to face up against the Generals, who of course control the entire army. And you know what happens when dudes without guns fight dudes with guns….so this could turn nasty at any given second. So why hasn’t it yet?

Because the Generals don’t want to appear to be the butcher bastards that they actually are. Buddhist monks, like holy men in most places, are revered in Burma. The last thing the Generals want transmitted across the airwaves of the world are images of the military massacring monks. That just usually looks really bad. On top of that, a monk massacre may in fact incite the masses to go completely nuts and tear the government to bits. And make no bones about it: those monks know what they are doing…and they are apparently every bit prepared to face the guns and die for their cause.

So the Generals are in a real tricky spot right now…. They don’t want to appear weak, otherwise the fighters for freedom will be embolden to do more, and at the same time don’t want to get into a monk-mayhem-massacre to establish their authority. So they are doing nothing for now. But do not start the celebrations yet—if those assholes get put up against a wall, they will order the massacre of every man, woman and child in Burma. Yes, they are that cold-blooded and ruthless; their history speaks for itself. But the Avenger is extremely hopeful that this Burmese uprising may unfold differently than in times past, for reasons I want you to know…

So why might it actually be time for change in Burma? Why might it be time for Than to take a permanent vacation…hopefully to hell?

1) We live in the modern world. Communications are now instantaneous and global. If the junta starts widespread massacres, the entire world will know about it immediately. And due to global news sources, a lot more people know about the Burmese situation and are following its every move…unlike ever before. They could get away with that shit 20 years ago without anybody knowing about it, but not anymore.

2) The junta DOES NOT want the bad press. Burma is a UN member, but more importantly, a member of ASEAN—which is a powerful regional trade block. ASEAN has already criticized the junta in the past, and some members already want Burma out of the block. If they start doing bad shit, the UN, ASEAN and even APEC will not be happy with the regime, which is going to have political and economic ramifications. And finally, the big reason it may be time for change…

3) China may bail. China has stuck up for the regime for decades under a bullshit umbrella theory that sovereignty trumps all (you know what I’m saying here, right world watchers? we’ve discussed this China sovereignty infatuation in the past). China also has protected the Burmese regime in order to limit ‘western’/democratic influence in its immediate neighborhood. But China wants to be considered a legit and noble world power on par with the US. If a massacre begins, China is not going to want to stick up for those assholes, and thus ruin their own reputation.

But maybe you are asking, ‘Why now?’ ‘Why would China change their attitude now?’ Answer: China has only come into its own as a world power in the last decade. And the Burmese junta has been fairly well-behaved in that same decade—mostly because there have been no major uprisings in the last decade. So if a massacre ensues, this will be the first time in the modern era that China will have to decide if they want to protect a pack of monk-killing maniacs.

The Plaid Avenger instinct is that they will not. Remember, China’s reputation is already on the ropes from all the shitty products that they have been exporting here lately, and they are hosting the Olympics—so trust me, the Chinese DO NOT want any Than Shwe tarnish on their reputation right now; they are going to bail if killing starts!

And that would be the one big thing that would end this Burmese mess once and for all—for China to stop shielding them. The US and the UK have wanted to have UN involvement in Burma for decades, but since China is on the Permanent Security Council the issue has always been killed before it could come up. With the Frenchies now on Team US/UK, you can be sure that if a massacre starts in Burma, the US will put forward a resolution condemning the junta and possibly suggesting UN action. And I’m betting China may go along with it too to save face. Damn! Its amazing how hosting the Olympics changes a country’s behavior! Just think about this: if China were to protect the Burmese junta after a massacre now, it would not surprise me to see a lot of western countries boycott the Olympics! That would cause serious embarrassment for my main man Hu! China don’t want that! And that’s why they will bail from the Burmese bastards!

But speaking of western countries, its time for me to change out of my plaid Buddhist robes and head back west to Germany because Oktoberfest is starting! Hell yes! But wait, maybe I’ll keep my robes on, because there is a famous Buddhist partying in Germany already! Sweet! Time to get my Buddhist/Oktoberfest drink on!

Go get’em monks!