Today’s story is the tip of an iceberg that will be floating your way soon global friends. I just flew into Islamabad from a quick stop in London, where I was able to throw back a few lagers at a choice pub with some fine Swedish beauties and check in with Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) on some recent developments.So what the hell am I talking about – a party with some Pakistani hotties?? Unfortunately no, but this could be just as hot:

Musharraf ‘to quit as army chief’

Musharraf said to agree to end his army role

Benazir Bhutto charges ‘to be dropped’

Bhutto and Musharrafy ‘reach deal’

Precariously Perilous Position: President Pervez of Pakistan

General Pervez Musharraf is easily the most totally fucked world leader on the planet right now—and his season of hell has no happy ending in sight either. Man, I wouldn’t wish his position on a broke-dick dog. What am I talking about? I’m glad you asked my plaid party posse, ‘cause you Americans really need to know this shit, especially since your government has a huge interest in Pervez and the whole precarious Paki predicament! Here we go:

General Pervez Musharraf is also President Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan. But make no bones about it, while he may be called President and walk around in a nice suit, he is still the main General and commands the armed forces. Mush took over the government by force in 1999 and has led it ever since. He is a huge US ally (Pakistan is the #3 recipient of US foreign aid), and major player in the fight against global terrorism, but simultaneously is not much loved at home. Pervez gets all that US aid and support in order to fight terrorism in Pakistan and Afghanistan—remember, Osama bin Laden and his funky bunch are thought to still be chillin’ out in the area around the border.

And Musharraf is trying to pacify the wants and desires of 170 million Paki citizens—that’s the 6^th biggest population in the world. It’s also a devoutly Islamic society, including the whole spectrum of religious views from the mainstream to the seriously extreme. It’s a society that has attempted to be a democracy since its inception back in 1947, with less than desirable results—the reason Mush took over the country in 1999 was because of massively widespread government corruption. And Pakistan is a nuclear power, with nuclear missiles that need to be controlled. And to fight terrorism, he has had to crack down on civil liberties in the country, which pisses off the locals. And to keep getting international aid, he has to suck up to the western powers, which pisses off the locals more. And, and , and….and this guy is fucked!

There have been several assassination attempts, and violent protests always seem to lurk just below the surface of this society. The latest turmoil erupted over the summer when Pervez fired the leader of the Pakistani Supreme Court (the guy was just re-instated last week). This caused widespread protests by folks who were pro-democracy and felt like Mush has too much power. It also incited riots by pro-Islamist groups who want the whole state to become an Islamic republic like Iran (maybe you heard about the Red Mosque shooting/stand-off back in July?). Dude! Everything this guy does pisses everybody off here lately!

With the attempted sacking of a powerful Pakistan Supreme Court judge and the rapid increase of shit being blown to bits throughout the country, his support is at an all time low and parliamentary elections are rapidly approaching. At hand is some crazy shizznit, stemming mostly from the Perv’s dual role as president and military chief. Since seizing power in a 1999 coup, Musharraf has held both positions, much to the ire of many – including Nawiz Sharif and Benazir Bhutto, who happen to be former prime ministers now living in exile that are not known for their love for the Perv.

Sharif is certainly a critical part of this Paki saga, but let’s just talk about Bhutto for now, because she will soon be playing an important role in Pakistan’s political climate based on what is unfolding right this second. This hottie has been a political exile in London for quite some time, since being ousted from her position as Prime Minister on corruption charges—actually, she was thrown out of office for corruption not once, but twice! Fired from being the Prime Minister in 1990, she came back and got fired again and exiled in 1996. Her father, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, was a highly controversial former president and prime minister of Pakistan that was executed as the result of some fucked up stuff that happened in the late 70’s—so the Bhutto clan is well known in the country. The Bhuttos also started the PPP [the Pakistan People’s Party] which Benazir now heads, even though she is not in the country. She has been an outspoken critic of Musharraf for years, joining many in the calling for him to ‘remove the uniform’ and give up his military post while serving as president. Musharraf has repeatedly ignored the outcry with a big ass “Hell No!!,” and Bhutto has been unable to return to Pakistan for fear of arrest and prosecution by a sketchy judicial system.

So why is Bhutto—a critical, corrupt, exiled hottie—suddenly so important to the Perv? I mean, the lady isn’t even in Pakistan, right?? As stated above, Musharraf has seen his popularity steadily decline throughout this year for many reasons—the Supreme Court tinkering, the increase in militant Islamic activity, his pro-Western ass-kissing, etc. He kind of ‘faked’ an election a few years back in order to make it look like the place is still a functioning democracy. To ‘fake’ another election here soon to regain another 5-year appointment could be explosive! I mean, ask any woman about this kind of shit—you can only ‘fake’ it so many times before you get busted…ladies, you know what I’m saying out there! If the Mush tries to slip another ‘set-up election’ orgasm past his people again, there will be a real explosion. Pun intended.

So the General/President can’t fake it this time. And he can’t win outright on his own either. So what to do? How about teaming up with a powerful, popular political party? Hell yeah Mush! Do that! The PPP is very popular in Pakistan, and a power sharing deal with this group could widely expand the Perv’s support base. In addition, Bhutto herself has a pro-Western outlook and has been outspoken in condemning radical Islamic activity in the country—a plus for the US, which has been encouraging that these two get together for a while now. So what is in this spicy deal, anyway? Well, it is too early to tell, but the PA has got a serious tip on this one. Here is what could happen, and most likely will if things continue down the same path:

Musharraf will strip his uniform prior to seeking appointment? Holy shit PA—a naked world leader?? No friends, but I have seen a few in my day (and, surprisingly, Margaret Thatcher did have soft, supple buttocks). What this means is that he will he will most likely step down as military chief prior to the end of the year, in exchange for Bhutto’s, and more importantly the PPP, support. Bhutto will most likely be able to return to Pakistan, with assurances that she receives immunity from the corruption charges that resulted in her exile. She may even be given an opportunity to play a role in the future prime minister position.

Long story short: General Musharraf will retire. President Musharraf will run for the presidency again. And Miss Benazir will shake, shake, shake her Bhutto into being the Prime Minister. At least that’s want the US desperately wants—‘cause they are relying on Mush to keep up the fight against terrorism in the area, and it looks like Bhutto is going to help out with that too.

Hmmmm…..speaking of Bhuttos, I need to get back down to the local hookah bar for some local action. Party on my friends.