Greetings Globe Watchers! Your plaid correspondent just touched down in Paris last nite to attend an affable assembly of amicable ambassadors, all while absorbing vast amounts of Armagnac. French ambassadors that is, drinking that fine-ass French brandy. What the hell am I talking about? I’m talking about a speech given by French President Nicolas Sarkozy to the entire French ambassador squad—it is Nick’s first big speech on France’s new foreign policy since he took office back in May of this year. And it was a doozy! Remember way back when, when most folks thought of the Frenchies as a bunch of wussies? Oh wait, that was just yesterday…. But hold on folks! Today is a new day, and France has grown a huge set of balls overnite! Check this shit out:
Sarkozy: Iran’s nuclear plans could be “catastrophic”
Sarkozy calls for troop exit from Iraq
Sarkozy boosting French force in Afghanistan
Bush hosts Sarkozy, sans ‘freedom fries’
Talk about radical turn-arounds! What these stories all allude to is that President Nicolas Sarkozy is making a pretty big departure from standard French foreign policy of the last decade or two. For those of you not in the know, here is the deal: France has typically played spoiler to US foreign policy in terms of either not supporting it, or outright opposing it.
Like the current war in Iraq. The Frenchies (under their former President Jacques Chirac) blocked all moves made by the US at the United Nations Security Council to make the Iraq invasion a UN-sanctioned or UN-legitimized war. They refused to support the US, which of course served to piss off the Bush administration and Americans in general—remember when the Congressional cafeteria changed the name of French fries to Freedom fries? Hahahaha what a fucking joke! But to be sure, many Americans still hate the French for their liberal ways and refusal to blindly support US tactics. Many Americans refuse to even drink French wine as part of their protest. Mmmmm…more for me to drink! But once again, I digress…
But the times are a changing my friends! That was the old France, and Nicolas Sarkozy is the new—and much more pro-US—face of the Frenchies. Check the stories above again. He just came to the US and partied with George Bush last month! And the whole damn Bush clan was there too! They fed the poor bastard hot dogs and hamburgers and probably made him play whack-a-mole at the fucking county fair! How hilarious is that? You can think of Sarkozy as the Bush of France if it helps you remember him—he is conservative, pro-business, and much more hawkish than any of his predecessors when it comes to foreign affairs. Which brings us back to the brainstorm of this blog:
When it comes to foreign policy, President Sarkozy is a ballsy son of a bitch. In his speech to the ambassadors today, he unleashed several major points which depart radically from the Chirac administration:
BIG BALLS POINT #1: Sarkozy still thinks the Iraq war was a mistake, and even has balls of steel enough to call for the US to start pulling out troops….BUT, he in the same breath stated that France was now ready to help the international community bring about a political solution to the situation. Damn! That’s new!
BIG BALLS POINT # 2: Sarkozy wants to increase French troops and support to Afghanistan. Damn! That is a huge boost to the US and NATO forces in general which have been begging the international community to do more in that fucked up country. When is the last time you heard about the French wanting to increase troops anywhere? Certainly not in World War II. George Bush must be beaming with pride, as is NATO…particularly since most of the other European NATO countries have been dragging their feet on the Afghan situation. How can other countries not pony up if the French are going to? Damn, they will all have to save face now…
BIG BALLS POINT #3: Sarkozy basically totally agreed with current US foreign policy concerning IRAN. He said that Iran is the biggest threat in the Middle East, and under no circumstances would he sit idly by while they acquired nuclear technology. Shit man, he went as far as to subtly suggest that Iran would be bombed before he let them get the bomb. Damn! Balls-a-plenty! Iran is going to be pissed about that remark! But I’ll bet that George Bush and Dick Cheney cracked open a bottle of Jim Beam in the Oval Office to celebrate the Sarkozy speech. Yee-Ha! They got themselves an ally at last!
Long story short, know who Nick Sarkozy is. Know that he has an extremely similar world outlook as the Bush White House. And know this: we are very likely to see the French being more pro-active on the world stage than they have been since they sent Lafayette over to the colonies to help kick some British ass. We will see the Frenchies start to take a more central role in a lot of the world’s hotspots…be it in Africa, Iraq, Afghanistan, or even a drug-free Tour de France.
Sarkozy is going to put the French back in fries. For sure.
Greetings Globe Watchers! Your plaid correspondent just touched down in Paris last nite to attend an affable assembly of amicable ambassadors, all while absorbing vast amounts of Armagnac. French ambassadors that is, drinking that fine-ass French brandy. What the hell am I talking about? I’m talking about a speech given by French President Nicolas Sarkozy to the entire French ambassador squad—it is Nick’s first big speech on 
August 27th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
That was one kick ass entry Boyer.
August 27th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
Wow that really is something. After all the dismay that the US has towards France their next leader ends up being a lot like Bush only he likes crepes instead of pancakes. It will be interesting to see how this plays out, perhaps even more nato countries will follow suit. Like Canada and their 4 foot gunboat… just playing Canada is great place! cheers
August 28th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Sarkozy is definitely more supportive of Bush, but I do not believe that he will fill the role vacated by Blair and become the next lapdog of America. He supports the formation of a Mediterranean Union comprised of Muslim nations (which dovetails nicely with his opposition to the granting of full EU membership to Turkey and the EU) and is all about embracing a “European Islam”. Just like Chirac, he is courting the Muslim and Arab world for France’s strategic gain - and America be damned. It is only a matter of time when this strategy gets in the way of American foreign policy in the Middle East. He is smart and savvy, and unfortunately French, so you kind of have to be suspicious with respect to recent developments. His pro-U.S. position now is only the anal lube for the reaming that the French will try to give us sometime in the near future. It is perhaps the most covert French assault on America since Hervé Villechaize was cast on Fantasy Island.
August 28th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
I met the current French Minister of Foreign Affairs Bernard Kouchner several years ago. He gave me $100 and advised me to “be illegal” (i.e. fuck the authorities and government) as a means of accomplishing change.
He also said the following about intervening in Iraq (or elsewhere): “We shouldn’t do anything in other countries unless someone there asks for our help.”
He was one crazy bastard, didn’t realize he’d been appointed Minister of Foreign Affairs until this blog.
August 29th, 2007 at 9:25 am
Thats HUGE. Well damn I might have to try some of your Frenchie brandy now, John. What’s your take on this being an initial falsehood before they screw us?
I’m suddenly craving “French”fries
November 9th, 2007 at 5:37 am
I confirmthat Nicolas Sarkozy has a huge set of testicles!